Just when you thought work issues were challenging, you are now facing a new crisis. You are going through a divorce.

Sadly, divorce requires spouses to take sides legally and financially. Squaring off is painful. Try to manage the process with as much personal dignity and focus as possible.

Keep work and home as separate as possible so that you can stay in control of what needs to be accomplished in each arena, while keeping yourself off overload.

Tips for managing

• Quickly hire the right lawyer. Hire someone who is well respected by judges in your community. This type of lawyer won’t pull any surprises or devise any “deals” behind your back. If you have questions, fears or concerns, type them up and leave them with your lawyer’s sassistant. Then, follow up within a day or 2.
• Devote a segment of time each day to taking care of what your attorney requires—such as providing information or researching certain facts. After work and on weekends, you will need to be an investigator—looking for assets your ex-to-be may be hiding, planning your strategies, finding out facts and managing emotional upheavals.
• Expect to experience crazy emotions. You are normal if you feel everything from rage to enormous relief. Remember, a mountain of emotions you’ve suppressed for years might come crashing down. Keep in mind that divorce is the death of a relationship. You will grieve in stages—with emotional issues surfacing for years afterward.
• Take excellent care of your physical health. Eat a well-balanced diet, and consider a multi-vitamin to replenish B-complex vitamins your body will quickly use under stress. Be sure to exercise and get enough sleep.
• Ask good friends to meet you after work. Ideally, they should work in another setting altogether. Try to talk out your most intense frustrations early on. Tell your friends, “I’ll try not to use you as a crying towel too long.” Otherwise, you may lose their support totally. If things get out of hand, see a professional counselor.
• Behave responsibly in managing your split with your ex. Act in ways that say, “I am fully taking control of my own life.” Crying, overreacting and emotionalizing too openly in the presence of someone severing his or her ties with you places you in a vulnerable position. Your ex-to-be may try to use your emotions against you. Deal in a business-like way with him or her.
• Carve out time for relaxation. If you take a walk with friends, have a nutritious dinner, read and relax and get a good night’s sleep, you’ll awaken more refreshed to tackle your job the next day. Besides, recreation time can help you balance the emotional overload you’ll experience for some time.

Focus on productive work

• Do not share details with co-workers. While you may think chatting at work about your pain feels comforting, you will only supply grist for the gossip mill—starring you.
• Try to avoid thinking about your situation at work. Instead, use work time to give your mind a break from your personal turmoil.
• Use your work time in a wise and focused way. Stay absorbed in keeping everything on track for long-term payoffs—for you and your employer. For instance, force yourself to make phone calls you’ve been putting off. Tie up loose ends on major projects. Spend time outlining plans that require you to think creatively.
• Stay in control on the job. The healthiness of staying “creative” on the job—planning meetings, devising work solutions and contacting new people to assist your employer’s business—will help you look and feel very much in control. Work may be your saving grace during a tough divorce. Failing to focus at work—with leftover work to bring home—will simply destroy your ability to control your personal life further.